Time keeps ticking, ticking, ticking into the future.

This is my back deck this morning, about half the snow has melted. There would have been even more snow but during an earlier snow fall I had gone out and shovelled it into the yard. We built those chairs and stained them what we thought would be a reddish colour but it turned out to be really orange. I'm hoping that they will take on a vintage weathered look by being left out this winter. I think I'll paint them white come spring. One of the things I made sure we got when we bought a house was a large yard. Gardening is one of the things I'm really good at and really proud of being knowledgeable in.

I don't recall if I have mentioned it by The Mister is 6 years older than me. Most of our friends in the city are a bit younger than him but in our circle I am the youngest at 31. All of our friends are married, some are even divorced, we all own houses and we currently have one baby in the group(other than me!) and friends just announced yesterday that we are expecting a second this summer. I've attended all of their weddings.

Being an "older" bride -and lets face it I am older than the average bride it seems, even though all my friends married around the same age as me.- and having an even older groom brings up some things that I don't think a younger bride really has to think about.

Like if we have a bigger wedding it will have to be next year, meaning that we probably wouldn't have a baby until 2011. The Mister will be 40. I'll be 33-34. I want to have at least two children, this means that after that unless we had twins first time round that the second child would either have to be in the oven within a year of the first or I'd be in that land of chance called THIRTY FIVE. I know lots of women have children after 35 but with various health issues I don't think I'd be one of them. Time is not on my side.

Of course if we have a very small gathering. Maybe go to city hall then have a backyard shindig with really awesome food and lots of fun we could do it late this summer or early fall, after all the backyard and the house need a ton of work before I would entertain this option!

Then start trying for baby numero uno.

I know it sounds incredibly selfish and it should be an easy choice right? I know it sounds even borderline Bridezillaish which is not what I want to be and I know I'm not. I know in the grand scheme of things children are so much more important to me than a beautiful dress I wear for one day. It's just harder than I expected to let go of the dream.