Please hold.

So everything is on hold.

I'm actually really good with this. I actually feel really good about it.

With all the recent health stuff going on it seems like a smarter idea to wait and see what exactly is going on with that. These days I'm having episodes daily and adding extra stress of wedding planning just isn't worth putting myself at risk for.

Plus I recently discovered Melissa Sweet "Dora" seriously how did this dress slip by my polka dot radar?

Seriously that dress is the stuff I daydream about! Dora might just beat out the previous coveted polka dotted dress Rasharna from Maggie Sottero....

Results are in...

And the diagnosis? More tests!
Well...on the bright side I don't have MS but I could have a hole in my heart that is letting little clots of blood slip up into my brain causing migraine auras without the migraine pain. I'm glad I don't have the migraine pain because if that's what I have I would be out of commission all of the time! It makes a bit of sense that this is the cause because I had a heart murmur when I was a child, which I was told I grew out of but it could just be a tiny hole now and inaudible and migraines run in my family so in a roundabout way it makes sense.

So I get to go for an EKG and some more blood work and then I wait for those results.

So high fives for not having MS but big thumbs down to having a hole in my heart and blood clots and such.

Tired beyond belief.

I'm so tired today. Beyond tired. I might even be asleep as I type this.

I spent almost every daylight hour outside over the weekend. I spent all day Saturday gardening. Two of my plant orders came in on Friday and I had forgotten that I had ordered so many and on top of that both places sent me freebies so I had even more than I ordered AND I still need more!
Sunday we went to Spadina House(the house in the previous post.) as it was part of Door Open Toronto so we didn't have to pay entrance fees. The sun room was off limits but we were able to peak in through the windows. It was nice enough. The gardens though made me happy. There's an apple orchard. Could we have the ceremony there? There would be apples on the trees then!

We spent the rest of the day reading things and listening to music on our deck. I think this is why I feel so out of it today, it's the same feeling I get when I go to the cottage. Too much fresh air and sunshine tire me out!

A ceremony site...

Well I think we finally might have found a place for the ceremony. Funnily enough it was sort of our first choice but we had to wait until the city got back to us and if you've ever dealt with a city employee you know that takes patience!

It's going to cost us about 325 after it's all done only because we want to have a toast and if you want to serve alcohol you have to pay an extra 110 dollars for a permit and insurance. BOO.

See that little sunroom at the bottom left corner of the house? It would be in there.

It might be blazing hot though. Which I only thought about right this second as I was just outside where it is a balmy 25degrees out and I was tres warm. BUT the garden, no wait...THE APPLE ORCHARD!!! for photos? Yes freaking please!! What makes me happy about this location too is that the room needs some sprucing up. Which means????? I get to do some little DIY projects!

Hooray!

Bored and Indifferent.

I feel like I should change the title of this blog to something like "Emotionless Weddings" or "Complaining about Weddings" something of that ilk. I read all these other blogs written by these excited brides who are all planning these lovely events and I think "Oh I wish I was doing that! I wish I was excited and giddy." because I'm not, I'm sitting here thinking about the very few things I have to do and I'm about as excited to do them as I am about painting a room. Sure picking out the colours is fun but the actual event doesn't really do it for me. I suppose it's the end result that your after right?

Thing is as I may have mentioned before I actually LOVE planning parties. I used to plan corporate parties all the time. Weddings were for me the ultimate party, the first big expression of the new couple! The chance to throw the biggest and best party of your life! Until we moved I had almost every issue of Martha Stewart Weddings every published. I had ideas coming out of my ears. I used to joke that I could plan several different weddings in an instant because I had them all up in my head just waiting to go! When I got engaged all of my friends congratulated me and then told me they couldn't wait for my wedding because it was going to be so awesome.
I have no doubt it would have been.

Now though that I have nothing to really plan or do. No venue to decorate, no linens to pick out, no music, nothing really cool to plan I feel bored and indifferent to it all. Yes I'm getting married to the man I love(even if it is in a dress that he hates.) so hip hip hooray so that's the end result.
I'm feel like there is nothing to do anymore and that all those ideas up in my head will have to continue living there.

My long weekend.

I'm still suffering some long weekend confusion...it's Tuesday but Monday? ouch.

My weekend was filled to the brim with stuff. I got up at 6:30am to go to Home Depot and get soil on sale, went to a first birthday party and ate too much fattening food, my parents came to visit, went shopping with my mother who confirmed she has wretched taste in clothing, hung out with friends and gardened. Somehow even though I packed in so much stuff it still feels like it was a short long weekend.


It has come to my attention that my mother is really gunning for a red dress. Not just any red dress either. Everyone she pulled off the rack was basically club wear suitable for someone in their early 20's. Every time I showed her something suitable and nice IE: a classic cut silk navy dress she scoffed and made up some excuse as to why she couldn't wear it. She wants something that attracts attention. Something that will get her stared at, because heaven forbid that she isn't the center of attention for one day. I on the other hand want her just to not look like an ex stripper on holiday in Vegas. I don't expect her to wear a normal mother of the bride dress because that's just not her but I'm afraid that she will venture out on her own and buy something and that something will be red and bedazzled and short.

The other thing that I started thinking of is having a dessert and punch type reception shortly after the ceremony. How does one go about inviting people to JUST the reception? Is it tacky seeing as really the ceremony is the least costly and really that is what the wedding is all about right? Inviting people to the reception but not the ceremony is really just inviting them to a party right?
What is odder? Having a reception a year later or having it closer but not inviting people to the ceremony?

Ebay is okay.

Guess who hunted down the Nanette Lepore Gin Sling dress from this post? MOI!
I admit to finding it on Ebay. I haven't bought much off of Ebay, actually I've only bought 6 things and half of those have been camera related. One of my hobbies is photography and I enjoy shooting film on vintage cameras. The Mister has bought a lot off of Ebay, in fact I'm sure that all of my Christmas gifts our first year together were from there. Including the ill fitting ugly sweater he bought. I wore it but oh, man it was....not fun.
I have always been leery of buying clothes though because there are so many what ifs . What if it doesn't fit? What if it's a fake? What if it has an stain or rip? The possibilities are endless for a mind like mine that spends 75% of the time worrying about things outside the realm of possibilities!

Now I just need to find the perfect black heels to go with it!

I bow to....get it bow..vow...oh nevermind.

If I had oddles of money I would have a shoe closet that would make Carrie Bradshaw weep.

My feet fit into my Nanny's heels(and she only wore heels, even her slippers were heels!) around the age of 8 (size 5) and by age 12 I was in my mom's size 7's. Heels were something I was naturally comfortable in even though they often made me taller then most of the men around me. My sister is even better in heels, she's only 5'1" or so and could run in stripper heels if she needed to. Even though in recent years I haven't worn heels as much because I tend to work in offices with very laid back dress codes and now that I'm older the rest of my body seems to protest prolonged wearing of them.

There was no doubt in my mind that I would not be wearing flats at my wedding if I was wearing a shorter gown. I then got the vision of shoes with a giant bow in my head, so the hunt began.

My first stop was My Glass Slipper where I found endless beauties that fit the bill....

I don't know Stuart Weitzman(above) personally but I'd like to be his BFF, so he could give me shoes. I'd even take the shoes that didn't turn out right. Because that's what BFF's do.

These strappy deals are by Something Bleu. Although they are actually blanc.

Kate Spade. I'd like to take Kate Spade on a picnic, I'd steal her keys and then steal all her purses and shoes. She'd forgive me though because I pack a mean picnic basket.

I'm all sorts of in love with these Giusseppe Zanotti shoes, even if I did have to triple check the spelling of his name. That bow is so oragamic, see what I did there? Totally a play on words!

Badgley Mischka. I'd just call them Mark and James, even though I can pronounce Mischka.

Brief updated.

I'm currently writing out a pros and cons list. I'm a big fan of lists especially the pros and cons kind. I need one of them to outweigh the other so I can make some sort of steps in some sort of direction. I can't believe I'm still at this point, I'm dead tired of it.

I go for my second MRI tomorrow morning at 7am. Which means I will be waking up at the unfortunate hour of 5am. Since I don't drive I have to rely on the public transit system to get to the hospital which is not exactly in a convenient location. I'd take a taxi but it would end up costing me an arm and a leg...although I guess going to a hospital they would be able to reattach them.

Want, want, want!

So I decided to have an engagement shoot. This was something we didn't think we could afford but catching a deal on my dress means that we can! Hooray! Since I'm hitting the gym on a daily basis these days I want to wait until mid summer to have the shoot. Yes I'm being vain.

Another reason is so I can hunt down this dress....

Nanette Lepore's Gin Sling Sheath. Swoooon!

Unfortunately it's nowhere. There are two on ebay, one is size 8 the other 10. It is conceivable that I might be able to wear the 10. I have things in my closet that are that size and they fit me(barely). But this is a designer 10, which for some reason isn't the same as a Gap 10. Blah.

Funny story about this dress though. So I showed it to The Mister and he said "That would look nice on you." and then we both started searching for it(we didn't know the name, I thought it may be Nanette Lepore.) once we found it I said something about wanting to wear it to our friends wedding and he goes "oh I thought you wanted it for something else" and after I picked myself up off the floor I was like "umm. ok..well it's multi coloured and not very bridey." Seriously.

Quick recap. The RED dress was well....red...and I COULDN'T WEAR A RED DRESS! Panic ensued! It was also not very bridey. See that dress up there? Would you consider it "bridey"? nope me neither.

On the bright side I will not have to worry about getting my hair done for my wedding as I will have torn it all out by then!

Veiled love.

I am in serious love with this veil. Her name is Ginger and she is the perfect amount of eccentric for me. I also think that since my dress is shorter and form fitting I can get away with such a nutty over the top veil. I know it's not for everyone, but I like things that are offbeat.

Here are two shorties that I dig. They are all sweet and innocent and would also look nice with my dress.

See? Choices will be my downfall! I fully plan on having two veils one for the ceremony and one for tea. What other time will I ever get to wear a veil? Some girls have a reception dress I have a reception veil.

All of these veils are from Sarah Gabriel

Hump day!

Whoa it's Wednesday already? Good grief.



Last week I received an invite to my friends wedding. She of the Chanel outfit and Louboutin shoes. Needless to say it shall be incredibly lovely and amazing. This is her second marriage. I almost crashed her first wedding 10 years ago as the Mister and I had just met and I had convinced a friend to take a road trip to see him on the evening of the wedding to go to the after party, although I didn't know where it was! She also the first (and only so far, knock on wood) friend in that circle to get divorced. I still remember the shock that I felt when I was told. I admit I cried at work. Although not the first friend to get divorced she was the first one I was shocked to hear about.
I know, I know talking about divorce on a blog that is suppose to be about weddings seems somewhat taboo and a bit of a downer but it's a fact of life for us all according to the stats.
Anyhoot...
I'm really excited about attending her wedding, it's going to be amazing! It also just happens to be on my birthday! Can someone say new outfit? I'm hoping to get something I can also wear for our engagement photos. Hooray for shopping!(oh I say this now come back after I've gone and I'll surely be a teary mess! I seem to love it until I have to actually do it!)

I felt like such a knob though filling out the dietary restrictions on the RSVP card. For the most part we stick to a vegetarian diet except we both eat fish(for me I only eat it depending on how it's prepared.) which would be easy to put down as pescetarian...except I also eat chicken and occasionally bacon which is IMHO the only type of pork. Neither of us eat red meat. I only started eating chicken regularly a couple of years back so up until then I always put vegetarian as my meal option if there was one. For the most part all the vegetarian options have been fine but almost 100% of the time they have been pasta. It's like this practically any restaurant you go to so I am used to it. But after more than half my life spent eating strictly vegetarian I am kind of over pasta as my option.

Make it stop.

"I hate that one. It looks like a doily."

That is what The Mister said about this dress. Which is the reason men don't have the joy of wearing dresses because they don't know squat about them. They clearly should stick to suits for fancy attire.

I went out looking one last time, this time by myself. Even though I am now the owner of that dress and even though I lurve it I like to torture myself. After we bought our house I still looked at houses. I'm a sucker for punishment. Yes, yes I know, I know once you buy a dress you don't keep looking it's bad news all over. So.....I tried on this dress, what I had nothing else to do that day......

image source

and instantly fell in love with it, maybe because it was a lower budget version of this one. Now there would be a dilemma if this dress was in my price range and not double it, I even called a friend who talked me off my "but if I only ate ramen for the rest of the summer I could afford it" ledge. At 1600 it's pretty reasonably priced for a wedding dress in general, just not for me. I admit I came home and searched for it online to no avail she is no where that I can find on line for a fraction of her retail price. I'm trying to be all zen about it, all "well then it wasn't meant to be. everything happens for a reason." etc, etc.

I totally surprised myself by being totally "meh" about trying on dresses. I'm sure that all the sales ladies were like "WTF" because where other gals were tearing up and gushing over dresses I was like "hmm..it's pretty." I totally have wedding dress aspergers. I mean I knew I wouldn't cry over a dress(not in that way anyhow.) but I thought I would at least feel something about one of them, something that told me that it was the one. Maybe because I've heard so many women say "they just knew" when they tried in on. I didn't and something in me feels a bit cheated by it. I've tried on dresses that were the price of cars, I've tried on dresses of every single silhouette and fabric, I've tried on dresses I would never even imagine wearing...just in case I was missing something. Not one of them spoke to me. Some of them I liked more than others like this one and the one I bought but none of them told me they were mine.

I woke up this morning and sketched out my "dream dress" something I thought I knew about but until I tried on a million things knew nothing about. Honestly how does anyone find a dress when they go out looking for one thing, try on another and realises that everything they thought they wanted in a dress is a BIG FAT LIE.

I now know I want a sweetheart neckline. A neckline that before trying it on I deemed well....tacky, but once I tried it one realised that it made the most of my assets and somehow looked stunning, in the way that I want every single one of my tops to have this neckline. Seriously. Then there's the dropped waist, corsetted, modified A-line. If all those ingredients were in one dress I would scoop it up in every colour it came in no questions asked.

Which leads me to the dreaded question....do I go to a dressmaker and have this dress made? Seriously...will I end up one of those crazy brides that ends up buying like 4 dresses because she just can't make a decision? I know all the names I would name my unborn children but I cannot decide on a dress for my tiny wedding! Ugh. I could have a really simple version of what I want made and then add the floof I love after it's all done onto the bust and straps.

Oh gosh...I've created a monster.