Bored and Indifferent.

I feel like I should change the title of this blog to something like "Emotionless Weddings" or "Complaining about Weddings" something of that ilk. I read all these other blogs written by these excited brides who are all planning these lovely events and I think "Oh I wish I was doing that! I wish I was excited and giddy." because I'm not, I'm sitting here thinking about the very few things I have to do and I'm about as excited to do them as I am about painting a room. Sure picking out the colours is fun but the actual event doesn't really do it for me. I suppose it's the end result that your after right?

Thing is as I may have mentioned before I actually LOVE planning parties. I used to plan corporate parties all the time. Weddings were for me the ultimate party, the first big expression of the new couple! The chance to throw the biggest and best party of your life! Until we moved I had almost every issue of Martha Stewart Weddings every published. I had ideas coming out of my ears. I used to joke that I could plan several different weddings in an instant because I had them all up in my head just waiting to go! When I got engaged all of my friends congratulated me and then told me they couldn't wait for my wedding because it was going to be so awesome.
I have no doubt it would have been.

Now though that I have nothing to really plan or do. No venue to decorate, no linens to pick out, no music, nothing really cool to plan I feel bored and indifferent to it all. Yes I'm getting married to the man I love(even if it is in a dress that he hates.) so hip hip hooray so that's the end result.
I'm feel like there is nothing to do anymore and that all those ideas up in my head will have to continue living there.

Make it stop.

"I hate that one. It looks like a doily."

That is what The Mister said about this dress. Which is the reason men don't have the joy of wearing dresses because they don't know squat about them. They clearly should stick to suits for fancy attire.

I went out looking one last time, this time by myself. Even though I am now the owner of that dress and even though I lurve it I like to torture myself. After we bought our house I still looked at houses. I'm a sucker for punishment. Yes, yes I know, I know once you buy a dress you don't keep looking it's bad news all over. So.....I tried on this dress, what I had nothing else to do that day......

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and instantly fell in love with it, maybe because it was a lower budget version of this one. Now there would be a dilemma if this dress was in my price range and not double it, I even called a friend who talked me off my "but if I only ate ramen for the rest of the summer I could afford it" ledge. At 1600 it's pretty reasonably priced for a wedding dress in general, just not for me. I admit I came home and searched for it online to no avail she is no where that I can find on line for a fraction of her retail price. I'm trying to be all zen about it, all "well then it wasn't meant to be. everything happens for a reason." etc, etc.

I totally surprised myself by being totally "meh" about trying on dresses. I'm sure that all the sales ladies were like "WTF" because where other gals were tearing up and gushing over dresses I was like "hmm..it's pretty." I totally have wedding dress aspergers. I mean I knew I wouldn't cry over a dress(not in that way anyhow.) but I thought I would at least feel something about one of them, something that told me that it was the one. Maybe because I've heard so many women say "they just knew" when they tried in on. I didn't and something in me feels a bit cheated by it. I've tried on dresses that were the price of cars, I've tried on dresses of every single silhouette and fabric, I've tried on dresses I would never even imagine wearing...just in case I was missing something. Not one of them spoke to me. Some of them I liked more than others like this one and the one I bought but none of them told me they were mine.

I woke up this morning and sketched out my "dream dress" something I thought I knew about but until I tried on a million things knew nothing about. Honestly how does anyone find a dress when they go out looking for one thing, try on another and realises that everything they thought they wanted in a dress is a BIG FAT LIE.

I now know I want a sweetheart neckline. A neckline that before trying it on I deemed well....tacky, but once I tried it one realised that it made the most of my assets and somehow looked stunning, in the way that I want every single one of my tops to have this neckline. Seriously. Then there's the dropped waist, corsetted, modified A-line. If all those ingredients were in one dress I would scoop it up in every colour it came in no questions asked.

Which leads me to the dreaded question....do I go to a dressmaker and have this dress made? Seriously...will I end up one of those crazy brides that ends up buying like 4 dresses because she just can't make a decision? I know all the names I would name my unborn children but I cannot decide on a dress for my tiny wedding! Ugh. I could have a really simple version of what I want made and then add the floof I love after it's all done onto the bust and straps.

Oh gosh...I've created a monster.

You Say Tomato...

I'm just waiting for my friend to send me the photos she was able to take from the dress try outs until I tell you all about my day of being topless around strangers.

I will tell you that I tried on this Jenny Yoo but in red and instantly fell in love with it. I even was thinking about getting it in red because the colour just really looked that good on me.

I then mentioned it being red to The Mister who told me "You can't wear a red wedding dress!" Okay fine I could deal with that. Although to get the dress in white it costs 200 dollars more!! I kid you not!

Last night we were out with friends celebrating The Mister's birthday and I decided to show him the photos from the day. When it got to this one(in red) and said "I hate that one, it doesn't even look like a wedding dress." I hadn't told him that was the one I loved. I ended up in the bar of the bathroom crying and for the last 24 hours have been thinking about calling the whole thing off. Not just because he hates the one dress the fits the budget and looks amazing on me. But because I'm still(STILL!) planning this by myself and I'm just suppose to guess at what he thinks a wedding should be. Like today he again mentioned cake and I finally said "We are not having a cake and I am not wearing a real wedding dress, I want these things, but we are not having them."

So I'm sitting here thinking about what I'm going to do. I could still get my deposit back for the tea no problem and that's the only money that has been put out.

Dear Emily Post.....

I opened up a new post because I was going to write about colours or maybe hair dos or something style related.
Just before I started writing though I checked my email and found this from my second cousin...

Hey!!! I just was informed that you have a date? and that your having a small wedding in Sept, I would understand, but I do hope that I am invited :( but I promise that I would understand totally! Anyways on a better note let me know the details...

My dad's sister is her grandmother, we were really close when we were children as she is the cousin closest in age, but I haven't seen her in over ten years at least! She didn't even come to my sisters baby shower last year when the rest of her family did.
My aunt isn't even invited! Am I crazy or is this a fail in etiquette? Obviously since we are having only our parents, siblings and best friends there that is what I'm going to reply with because it's the truth. I know these relatives might be the ones whose noses are put out of joint because they have accused me in the past of thinking I'm too good for them.

I swear next post will be about hair or makeup or colours!